Soul Happiness

Soul Happiness

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The day after Thanksgiving I caught myself wondering what Soul Happiness means to me. Trying to think about specific situations that brought me a deep feeling of fulfillment and joy. At same time not sure if those words describes what I felt on Thanksgiving Day…!

As I wrote on my previous posts, the challenges I faced and the barriers that I overcame in the past years are nothing near to the challenge I am dealing at this moment. Only I know how difficult is to make decisions and to have a sixteen years old boy under my sole care.

To those who know my history… ‘’I am the Mother and the Father of my child…” And if for some reason I don’t survive! He will be on his own.

How would you live everyday life, knowing that a decision about your health will be made or postponed every six months or so? How do you live a life with joy and happiness knowing maybe you won’t be here to see your son graduate from High School? If I am blessed to be here to see him graduate… How many years more to be around him…?

On Thanksgiving Day, of course all this questions were pounding on the back of my mind… almost screaming out loud: “- I want a solution!!!” As far as I decided to write this post to take the pressure off of my chest and to share my deepest fears.

A year and half ago I found that I have a heart problem… not going to write all the medical terminology here, but it’s a risk situation and it has kept me on “health watch” for too long! The medication that slows my heart beat and also makes me extremely tired…nothing that I can change!  To those who constantly hear me saying… “I am tired…” Its more than a physical tiredness. Now you know…ha-ha. Every six months or so, I wait for a medical decision regarding my condition… To have or have not an open heart surgery.

I felt very emotional on Thanksgiving Day to be able to enjoy this day with my son and closest friends at my house for the first time. Enjoyed cooking all day long… and eating all night long…!

Considered this day to recharge my thoughts. To renew my faith and to assure that “EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT”  no matter what happens next!

To be continued…

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